I have to admit, I am just not feeling connected to this blog today (or yesterday for that matter). I cannot explain the shift that has happened, but I know that I need to make a change.
Most things in our lives come with restrictions, or standards, or some other form of extrinsic motivator. Our jobs require us to get up and go even when we would rather stay home and binge watch Game of Thrones. Our children require us to be present and alert to their needs, even when we’ve had very little sleep and prefer to exist in a more comatose state. Our livelihoods require us to constantly refuel and exercise our bodies, pay our bills, go to the bathroom, take showers, clean our homes… all the things we must do to stay afloat and fight entropy.
But blogging is not like that, at least not when it’s a hobby. It is not subject to extrinsic motivators or constraints. It is entirely up to us how often we want to post and what our subject matter should be. It is wonderful if we reach people with our words, but ultimately, we do this work for ourselves.
And yet, if you are a WordPress blogger, you probably understand the power of the little orange dot: that small indicator that someone out there is paying attention.
Oh, and the stats page. That fickle bastard.
What?! No views in two hours?! Well I must post something, then. I mean, anything will do! If I don’t my blog will fall into a black hole of obscurity and all of my deep thoughts/hard work will be for naught.
Because that’s the point, right? To build a readership. To become recognized by others as a person with important things to say. To become a real writer. (Because real writers get read, right?)
It is time to call bullshit on myself and these ridiculous limiting beliefs.
All of this ranting and raving is to say that writing about A Course In Miracles is not working for me. I will continue to read it on my own, and may refer to it here, but I cannot muster the gusto I felt while I was doing Pam Grout’s energy experiments. It is just not as fun. And if I am not absolutely head over heels in love with what I am doing here, then what’s the point?
The Self-Help Sucker 
Thanks for taking us along on your “conversational journey”… It’s all too relateable and well written, by the way. You have a gift of maintaining the reader’s attention regardless of your intentions here.
I’m here today! (See the little orange dot 😊)
Simply embrace your urges; or lack thereof, if you fancy doing so…til you don’t. We all have our ups and downs; often throughout each day, but being able to share and vent; even of our procrastination, is a blessing. You inevitably inspire others in many ways; whether it be through compassion and empathy for self or others, or perhaps some inner reflection; often simply giving “food for thought”…
It also serves as a sounding board for your own journey…an invaluable tool for self reflection into the future. ❤
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This little orange dot moment made my day! Thank you for your kind words. I am happy to “meet” you. 🙂
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😆
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Haha… I think you are being to hard on yourself. Course in Miracles can be hard to read but life changing. I’ve honestly only read a bit but have seen what it did for other’s. Haven’t read Pam’s work either but I’ve seen it as a spring board for many. I just read and write when I’m moved to. I don’t worry about stats either. Do what ya love and everything will fall into place 🙂 🙂 Keep changing and sharing. It’s all good! Take care!
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Thanks Molly! ACIM is actually a great read, but I just don’t really feel like writing about it for some reason.
One really great thing about all of your posts is that they all seem very inspired. It is clear that you only write when it feels right!
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awe, thanks! We have to trust our gut even when our mind doesn’t understand. Honesty also works which is what you are doing. Hugs and blessings! Have a great day! ❤
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Yup. Can totally relate. I was going to do a series on early Christian history…. And…. Nope. Wasn’t happening. I found it very difficult to relate to it where I am right now.
I don’t know why I blog, really. Because I like connecting with interesting people through social media, and Facebook is stupid beyond compare while Twitter is too limiting? I think that’s why I blog…
Or, I’m a closer narcissist that just likes to read my own words… But I’m pretty sure I learned in college that a true narcissist never suspects they are indeed narcissistic…
So yeah, the connecting thing has to be it;)
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Haha! Yes! I did not realize that blogging was a form of social media until I started here. I am not on any other sites so I guess this is where I get my fix.
I think it is very natural to want to create something out of ourselves- whether through art, cooking, parenting or the like. And, what a blessing it is to love your own words! So many people are tortured by a hatred of the things they create. Loving what you produce seems like a form of loving yourself, but not in the overly narcissistic/destructive way.
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You reframed that so beautifully! I love it!! That’s something I would do!!!
I’m afraid my warped sense of humor is challenged in its meaningful expression by social media… I express it anyway;)
The creative spirit in humanity is something I marvel at. And patenting, for me, is the arena where most of mine is poured into these days… But no one in my personal sphere seems to appreciate that kind of art. Oh well. My kids will some day;)
I easily revert to cynicism when it comes to the written word. Maybe because I constantly question my own motives? I think that’s very human too… But I don’t know how productive that practice is.
Oh, to find truth, and live truth and write nothing but truth– that is what I long for. I think we all long for that on some level. Can creation be an expression of truth? I think so. I hope so.
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Just keep working away at it you are doing amazing things and not everyday can be perfect! Just realize you are always moving forward 🙂
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Hey, thanks so much!
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I think there are a lot of issues thrown up by blogging. Mainly around the fear of being thought of as narcissistic, an inner voice saying ‘What’s so damn special about you for heaven’s sake? Why would anyone want to read your witterings?’ It’s annoyingly insidious.
I like your posts and their intelligent, self questioning commentary on the path of self discovery as you find it. I like to read the different angles on this ‘stuff’, so keep on as and when the spirit moves as they say 😉 I for one will be checking back to see what you have found.
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Hi Jon, I apologize for the late reply! Life has gotten a bit hairy recently as “real work” is starting to pile up. I appreciate your comments and thank you very much for reading!
As far as the narcissism issue goes, I think the reason blogging is so fun is not just the dings we get to our reward system each time we get recognition. It is also the community we build and the sincere engagement with other people’s thoughts and ideas. This might, indeed, require a bit of self love, but so does just about every relationship we have with others. Any time we feel we have something to contribute, we must also believe that we have something “special” to put out there. I guess it’s just a matter of reconciling this with that annoying “inner voice”.
Thanks again for reading!
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Thanks for articulating that. It gives what I take to be my Northern European Protestant cultural bias something to chew on 😉 and with a bit of luck, get it to shut up. (If that really is what it is, you would know better from a philosophical perspective).
It’s alarming how many phrases beginning with the word ‘Self-‘ have negative connotations. Self-centred, Self-indulgent, Self-seeking, Selfish etc etc. All undesirable stuff apparently. Even Self-love can be judged as negative, an evil thing called ‘Vanity’. . . Obviously, love is a finite resource, and as such, not to be wasted on such an undeserving creature as ones-self 😉
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Yes, you must write for yourself. If you write for stats, it can be a slippery slope. I have to admit that I didn’t even know about the stats for the first few years I blogged. I still never remember to check them. But I do like to see that orange dot, to see which one of my little community members is chiming in. After six years of writing, I don’t have a ton of followers (which is perfect for me), but a core group of supporters who read and comment (or “like”), whose blogs I read in turn, has developed. It suits me just fine. I basically write to process my “stuff” and to share insights. (I’ve always used writing as a way to process my stuff).
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