“Miracles arise from a miraculous state of mind, or a state of miracle-readiness”
A Course in Miracles

I have always been a bit suspicious of flying in airplanes. It just seems so horrifyingly unnatural to sail through the air in a giant metal box. But my life has been full of flying because my parents divorced when I was two, and they often lived far apart from one another. So In order to conquer that small fear I would always say a prayer before takeoff, and it would make me feel secure. Then, it was not up to me to determine the outcome of the flight. That was such a relief.

In September of 2001 I moved to New York City for college, two weeks before the World Trade Center came crashing down. A month later my stepfather, who had been in my life for as long as I could remember, was killed in a car accident. I took the first flight home from JFK on the one-month anniversary of 9/11, terrified and alone.

After my stepfather passed away, and the planes crashed into the Twin Towers, my faith that God would take care of me ceased. For one, it became clear that anything could happen at any time. None of us was safe from tragedy.

But for me, the more powerful compulsion was to take control from God and place it in my own hands. I started to feel like my very presence on the planet as a living, breathing human being became a necessity, not for me, but for my mother. I had decided that she would not survive it if something were to happen to me.

Suddenly, I felt an intense responsibility to stay alive. This translated to a deep need in myself to be fully responsible for my continued existence. I wanted to command death- something that, of course, none of us can do. My prayers to God did not help me anymore because fear had taken over…fear and a deep desire for control.

Since the loss of that reassurance my fear of flying has become somewhat crippling at times. But, it was only just recently that I realized the significance of the shift that happened to me when I let fear take over. Between that time and about a year ago, my mental and emotional well-being plummeted. I was directionless and confused. But what’s more, bad things just kept happening to me. I witnessed more death of loved-ones, more terrorism and a huge natural disaster.

Loss and tragedy have marked my experience of my twenties and early thirties. And I could not stop the painful things from happening. It all just kept going until my worst fear came true. I won’t say what that was, because it still feels too personal. But I will say that it brought me to my knees. I am sorry for the cliché, but I literally lost control of my physical self and fell to my knees. I was in “a state of miracle-readiness”. I finally opened myself back up to God.

It has become so incredibly clear to me that a life lived in fear only brings more fear to bear. I have had several people recommend A Course in Miracles to me since I have started this blog (Thanks, Outwit Yourself). The instant I opened the book, I felt connected to it. Upon just a cursory reading of the beginning, I noticed that it voices the kinds of insights I’ve started to have since I began this work.

So, I have chosen to read A Course in Miracles for the next leg of this blogging journey, and to report on my findings here. This could get much more intense than the first part of this blog-and that’s okay. I think there is merit to the Law of Attraction ideas, but my sense is that it does not encapsulate the whole picture-not by a long shot. So I am ready to go even deeper down the rabbit hole. I hope you’ll come with me!


7 thoughts on “Miracle-Readiness

  1. I’ve had a few “worst fears” materialising in my life. With hindsight, I realise that they couldn’t but manifest because their energy was so active in my vibration. The fear means that my focus is diametrically opposed to the well-being that would be my natural state. It’s an indication that “me and myself”, the embodied me and the “eternal me” for want of a better word, don’t agree in their assessment of the situation. Whichever vibration is stronger will materialise.
    I don’t like the term law of attraction much. It’s nothing to do with a law. Maybe resonance would be more gentle.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can really relate to your post here. Tragedy has a way of shaking us up and out of our naïveté.
    I read ACIM last month. I approached it from a very skeptical standpoint– that of someone immersed for 30 some odd years in Christian theology. Somehow I stumbled across the unedited version– the transcript of the original revelation. It had a somewhat different feel from the published version of the ACIM. Included in the unedited transcript were gentle admonishings to the “scribe” that her ego was interfering with the message. I found that very telling… As someone very much immersed in Christian mysticism, I know how easy it is to skew the message when processing it through our own mind and into language. Suffice it to say, I think the original message is a real revelation. It’s basically a restatement of the Gospel message in modern terminology. I haven’t really read through the published version, as it seemed incomplete to me after reading the transcript. I’m a geek like that though– I go back to the Koine Greek versions of the NT texts in order to ensure I haven’t missed something in translation, lol! I think so much of what God (or Source or whatever you want to label the Divine) reveals to humankind is essentially ‘lost in translation’. But I also believe that any and everyone that seeks to encounter and know Him/Her ultimately finds what they are searching for.
    Best wishes and positive thoughts sent out to you on your journey:)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s