Pre-Blog Jitters, Doubt and the Rabbit Hole

So, I do not have a blog yet. Not technically, at least. But I thought I might share with you the feelings I have about starting a blog before there even is a blog. Or a “you” to read it.

I started a WordPress site only because I am vaguely familiar with the platform, and believe I could navigate it, if somewhat clumsily. The first thing that WordPress asks you to do is tell them what your blog is about. It gives to a seemingly sparse list of options to choose from (Health and Wellness, Entertainment, Lifestyle).Ummmmm…. I don’t even have a title yet, aside from “blog”, so this question seems a bit intrusive. Geeze, WordPress, lay off!

So, what is this blog “about”? I’ll start here: I have an addiction to self help books. This is something that no one really knows about me. Not my family, not my best friends, not even my husband is privy to the unreasonable amount of time and energy I spend wondering if I am truly mastering my life/harnessing the secret/ living with gratitude/ becoming one with my authentic self…

Is a blog that details a somewhat sick obsession with mental health and wellness about health and wellness? Probably, though I wouldn’t propose to know anything about writing my own self-help book. Hopefully it is entertaining, but it does not directly refer to movies, television, celebrity gossip and the like. Is it about “family, home and lifestyle”? Hmmm… maybe…

I click on the link and it asks me to further refine my purpose! Dammit, WordPress, you insufferable turd! What is your problem? Can’t a girl just aimlessly write a blog with no actual purpose?

 Clearly, this question has thrown me into an existential tailspin. How am I to know what my blog is about?! What does about really mean? And this is how it begins. The next thing you know I am fully questioning the purpose of my existence on this planet. Am I really meant to write a blog? Will anyone care what I have to say? Should I care if anyone cares? No, not if I have fully come into my power. I should probably read that book about empowerment…

About two years ago a series of events altered my worldview completely. Tragedy, staggering loss and heartbreak coincided with the birth of my first child and a pretty major career change. It was what (at least) one self-help author calls an “earthquake moment”. But this blog is not about that. Sure, the losses I faced led me to pursue reading personal growth literature, but the reasons I stuck with it have more to do with a complete fascination with the genre and its loyal adherents. This is compounded by the fact that I subscribe to BookBub, a service that emails me everyday with deals on e-books, many of them of the self-help variety. With all this cheap and easy access to my drug of choice, it becomes very hard to resist.

I am suspicious of the promises made in these books and I sometime question the sincerity of the authors, but as a trained philosopher and skeptic, I also question everything else. So if all knowledge, ideas and experiences are subject to doubt, then why not follow where the rabbit hole of personal growth literature leads? With that, I have decided to make my weird hobby (read: obsession) of devouring self-help literature the subject of this blog. I plan to live the ideas I read about in these books and report my experiences here. I will do this sincerely, with openness to new ideas and new ways of knowing. While it might seem counterintuitive, skepticism and radical openness go hand-in-hand. If all things are in doubt, then perhaps there is no choice but to be open to everything. So, I suppose that this blog is about openness, to all of the mysteries of the world, of consciousness and the answers that we seek everlastingly.

 

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5 thoughts on “Pre-Blog Jitters, Doubt and the Rabbit Hole

  1. This first post is brilliant. I would love to say something more constructive, on the level of mistakes I could point out or some styling I could like better. Either my brain don’t want to go that far, be it for time, laziness, or tiredness; or there is just nothing constructive to say. I just liked how you write.
    PD: I don’t find the “like” button here, have you hide it or am I just blind?

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for reading! It is great to have support when starting a project like this. I liked your post as well (obviously). Congratulations on taking the leap into blogging!

      (The like button is a bit tricky to find. I am just seeing a small button at the end of each post.)

      Like

      1. I really couldn’t find it, I even tried with a different explorer and with the html source website. I promise I’ll click when I find it, or rip my eyes out of me if I was too blind to find it, but, where is it?
        For now I’m just randomly testing wordpress features, and my own mind-flowing of ideas and commitment. I’m not even trying to make much sense of the blog. But unless this kills me, I’m planning something very serious in the near future 🙂

        Like

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